Track 4 - Intermission

To get straight to the point.

I made it to the finals.

I thought I would for sure get eliminated. But despite the backlash online, my loyal fans, who called themselves “Chiitizens”, worked hard to make sure I’d be able to debut.

——Chii was just treating the task at hand seriously! With dance skills like that, it’s only natural he got picked!

Amid these comments, the member I tried to support, the one who had run out of the rehearsal room crying, didn’t get enough votes and was eliminated.

This news tanked my mood.

Somehow, I felt like it was my fault…..

In the end, only 22 contestants remained.

Out of them, 13 would be picked, and 9 would be dropped.

My roommate, Komu-kun, is one of the remaining contestants.

Unlike me, Komu-kun has been portrayed on the show as “a novice in both dance and singing, but thanks to his sincerity, has shown remarkable growth and a straightforward appeal.”

It’s like he’s the protagonist of the show.

But in truth, Komu-kun really is putting in the effort and is growing at an incredible speed. Even when we were in different groups he didn’t hesitate to ask me for advice about dancing when he was unsure.

I didn’t want to be mean, so no matter how often he came to ask for help I never refused him.

…….Of course, they never showed this side of me on TV.

I was secretly anxious about Komu-kun’s rapid progress.

Jealous too.

But in the end all I can do is focus on doing my best.

“Man~ I can’t wait to meet all the locals again~” Komu-kun says while packing.

Today the contestants were allowed to return home to visit their families. It isn’t exactly a break, since the purpose is to film supportive messages from our family members.

Incidentally, the video would be presented a few days later to the finalists as a surprise. We’d have to act shocked and touched as if we were seeing it for the first time. These reactions would also be subject to evaluation.

A sigh almost slips out, but I stop myself, conscious of the cameras around me.

An idol who has a bad relationship with his family…… isn’t exactly someone you want as your bias, right?

“When this is over, it’ll really be our final stage, huh? …..Chii, I…I’m really glad you’re my roommate.”

“Yeah, me too, Komu-pi.”

After replying, I could hear a voice from inside me.

Really? Is that really true? If you weren’t roommates, would you have taught him how to dance? Do you really not regret it?

It was tough when Komu-kun asked you for help even while you were in different groups, yet you still ended up helping him out of the sheer kindness of your heart. 

So why is only Komu-kun the only one being praised as being a good, hard working person? Aren’t you tired of being sidelined like this?

“We’ll debut together for sure!” Komu-kun said as he hugged me.

I hugged him back, worried about how it looked on camera and hoping I didn’t come off too mean.

The voice deep inside my heart whispered, “I truly hate myself the most.”

“If it isn’t the long-awaited return of the future star! I’ve been waiting for you, Chihiro!”

My mom, all dressed up for her night job and with a face full of makeup on, welcomed me at the front door.

This smile….. How many years has it been since I’ve seen it?

Her lively voice being directed at me was certainly a first.

Honestly, I was scared and confused.

My stomach twisted in pain.

When I told my mom that I was going to audition, she didn’t seem the slightest bit interested. The only ones who cheered me on were my sisters.

But I heard from my sister that my mom apparently started watching the show when I reached the semi-finals.

…..Is it because of the money? Yeah, it must be.

As I step inside, my little sisters clad in their school uniforms welcome me cheerfully from the back as they call out, “Chii-nii!”.

Big Sis, who usually lives separately from us, had also come, but her expression upon seeing me was filled with worry.

Only my mom seems unusually cheerful, asking me things like, “Chihiro, want a drink?”. Questions she’s never asked me before in my life.

“……I’m still not sure if I can debut. My last ranking was pretty iffy….”

With voting happening daily, contestants got their real-time rankings immediately from the staff. I was 15th when I left the dorm. It fluctuates; on some days my ranking would go as high as 10th place, but right now it was still unclear.

“What are you talking about? There’ll be fewer people getting eliminated next round, right?”

“……..”

It’s not just about the numbers. Even if I was in first place right now I still wouldn’t feel safe.

Especially considering the fact that the director hates me.

Would Mom be disappointed if I failed?

The thought crosses my mind, but I can’t bring myself to ask.

I wondered how Komu-kun would deal with something like this.

Once he gets home, would he be able to tell his parents about his worries?

Of course he would. And they’d forgive him if he cried.

Komu-kun’s loving Papa and Mama would definitely pull him into a hug and comfort him.

I hate myself for imagining these things.

“Once you become an idol, I’ll have to brag to everyone. Even to the people at the bar….. Ah, and I’ll definitely rub it in the faces of those classmates who used to make fun of me.”

Seeing Mom talk like this so happily made my guts twist in pain again.

Sitting down in the living room, my two younger sisters came over to me.

“Chii-chan, don’t worry too much.”

“That’s right. Chii-nii has fans at our school too!”

I felt a bit relieved as I ruffled their hair affectionately.

——Once I’m able to make the money, I want to spoil them both rotten. Big Sis too of course.

Big Sis always sends money to me and our little sisters, so even though she’s an adult she still doesn’t have any accessories of her own.

I want to buy her the slightly pricier necklaces and rings she wanted before, and help my sister in high school pay for vocational school so she can follow her dream.

I also want to pay for my middle school sisters' high school tuition, and all the school trips Big Sis and I had to miss because we couldn’t afford it.

“I guess even that face can be useful for something after all. Well, that’s all that scum had going for him anyway.”

Out of nowhere, I hear my Mom’s voice.

Her words hurt as if they were clutching onto my heart.

“I didn’t think you had a single redeeming trait, but if you manage to become an idol I might be a little thankful. Chihiro, I’m glad you’ll be able to make a living even though you have your father’s face——”

“Stop it.”

Big Sis interjected.

“You should stop doing that.”

“Hah?”

Mom glared at Big Sis. She returned the glare, unyielding.

“Don’t you think you’re being really shitty right now? Constantly nagging about a man who’s already abandoned you….. How is any of that Chihiro’s fault?”

“Hah? You’ve never been dumped yourself, what the hell do you know, calling me shitty like that.”

“That’s why I’m saying your mindset is shitty.”

The tense atmosphere made my heart race, but even worse, my little sisters looked like they were about to burst into tears.

“You two! The camera crew’s coming any minute now!”

I quickly stood up and spread my arms wide. A stiff smile appeared on my face. But it's okay. I turned once and took a step.

“Look! This is the choreography I danced in the semi-finals! I can still do it perfectly!”

After making this declaration and dancing for a while, my little sisters burst out in cheers and laughter.

Mom and Big Sis also stopped arguing.

My heart is still pounding, gripped by tension and fear, impatience and anxiety.

…….Please, God. If you’re out there, please help me. Let me debut.

So if I can give my Mom the affection she wants, Big sis peace of mind, and my little sisters a future, I’ll do whatever it takes.

But all I can do is dance……

God, please don’t take away this one thing I have.

——In the surprise video I received later on, my family looked like a tight-knit "perfect and happy family”.

A mother sharing fabricated memories, an older sister suppressing her irritation and putting on a forced smile, and two little sisters cheering me on wholeheartedly.

“Chihiro truly loves dancing, and when I watch him dance it feels like all those years of hard work have really paid off..."

In the video, Mom pretended to wipe away her tears.

I wonder if they'll introduce her on air as a single mother who raised four kids on her own?

In the corner of my mind, I briefly thought——this world is nothing but a bunch of lies. I felt despair—but still, I looked ahead.

Because I’m going to become the ultimate GAL-minded idol.