Chapter 6

Headset and PC…... all good.

Now, I just have to wait until the scheduled time.

(Is it even okay to ask for feedback with the draft and script still incomplete...…?)

(I figured it couldn’t hurt to ask the workshop organizers, but..… I didn’t expect them to respond so quickly.)

(And on top of that, I never thought…)

—Looks like it’s time.

<Thank you for taking the time to meet with me today.>

<No problem. I’m happy you reached out to me, actually.>

<…..To be honest, I was surprised when I heard you volunteered to be our instructor.>

<Since I can’t be there in person, I want to communicate with you all as much as I can.>

<And...… that show you performed during your introduction really stuck with me.>

<I also read the draft plan and script you sent me.>

<I can tell you want to make people smile, to bring them joy— and at the same time—>

<I could feel that you’re struggling hard to overcome something.>

<…...Yes. After joining the workshop, I understood what my obstacles are.>

<The reason I asked for your time today is to seek advice to overcome them.>

<It may be a long explanation, but—>

<…I see. So you want to create a show with more depth.>

<Yes. I got to observe a rehearsal of “Goodbye Ghost” recently.>

<I know I’m in no position to compare myself—>

<But I recognized that, as I am now, I can’t make something that moves people that deeply yet.>

<……>

<Since then, I’ve analyzed the direction and script structure to see what I could adapt.>

<But the result was just a distorted patchwork of borrowed ideas.>

<So I think there’s something fundamentally wrong with my whole approach….>

<So that’s why you wanted an objective opinion from an instructor.>

<Yes. I’m sorry if that’s too broad a request…...>

<If you noticed anything, could you share your honest thoughts?>

<..…Well. I don’t think your concept, script, or direction are bad.>

<Like I said, I see your desire to entertain the audience, and you’ve got the skill and passion to do it.>

<But if you still feel it’s “not enough,” that it “lacks depth”—>

<Then what you need is your own personal feelings and experiences.>

<My own… feelings?>

<Yes. What do you think about when you’re directing?>

<—I remember seeing a recording of an interview you did before.>

<"The rich, the poor, the wise, the foolish, the majority, the minority, none of that matters.">

<"Everyone laughs, cries, and gets angry together—">

<"And when the show ends, they’re connected by the same feelings.">

<That’s the kind of show I’ve always aimed to create.>

<I see.>

<When I create a show, the first thing I think about is the emotion I want the audience to have by the end of it all.>

<And then, I think about what kind of direction will move them the most….>

<I tend to decide on the subject matter after looking at the venue and who’ll be in the audience.>

<I see. Your top priority is always the audience you want to reach.>

<That in itself is a wonderful thing, but…...>

<Along the way, aren’t you unconsciously suppressing yourself?>

<Huh...…?>

(Suppressing myself…...?)

<If anything, I'd say I’m quite the stubborn type.>

<I can’t bend my own ideas easily, so I often clash with others over my direction.>

<Before joining my current troupe, I always put on shows by myself.>

<You stand your ground because you want to create the best show you can, don’t you?>

<And your idea of a “good show” is one that makes a lot of people smile.>

<Which means, when you direct, you keep your own emotions out of it more than you need to.>

<By doing so, you’re able to make something everyone can empathize with.>

<……>

<Of course, there’s nothing wrong with that. It might even be an ideal stance for a director.>

<But..… sometimes a show needs deep emotion.>

<When that happens— it’s the director who brings that depth to the stage.>

<Not something you copy or imagine, but your own raw emotions and lived experiences.>

<Naturally, if you go overboard, it just turns into self-indulgence, so you have to be careful—>

<But those raw, powerful feelings and memories, the ones you hesitate to touch, they’re what give a work depth. That’s what I believe.>

(…...Raw, powerful feelings and memories, huh..…)

…..Hey, Mom. Am I…... different from everyone else?

No matter how hard I try to explain, the stuff I find fun just doesn’t reach anyone and nobody ever understands them…..

Even my teacher and the kids in class tell me I’m not the same as everyone else...…

There were a few people who’d look at my ideas and say, “If that worked, it’d be fun to see.”

But even those people eventually got tired of me bringing in new ideas all the time…....

After going through that over and over….. before I knew it, I was all alone.

(But—there’s something I know for sure.)

(Right now, I want to do shows with everyone more than ever—)

(…...If that’s the case, I’ve got those things within me, too.)

(The loneliness I felt as a kid. The helplessness of not fitting in.)

(The happiness of finding shows and people to share them with. The struggle when I don’t want to lose them. There’s so much of that...…)

(Even so—)

<—Is there something you’re still struggling to grasp?>

<No… I understand what you’re saying. It's just that—>

<There’s something I’d like to know.>

<Would you say...… your shows include your personal feelings and experiences too?>

<…...Yes. I’d say some parts naturally spill out into my work.>

<The ghosts in “Goodbye Ghost”.... I feel like they hold bits of my parents and friends I’ve said goodbye to over the years.>

<They’re not stories I’d easily share with others, but—>

<The days I spent with them and what they gave me..… they still live on, on that stage.>

<It’s fiction, but it’s not a lie. Maybe that’s why it leaves something real in the audience’s hearts.>

<Yes.... I see now.>

<…I’ve put my own feelings and memories into my shows before, too.>

<But after hearing it from you...… I realized maybe I’d been unconsciously holding myself back.>

<I assumed that if I poured my raw emotions into a show, people wouldn’t be able to accept something so uninhibited.>

<That’s why—I couldn’t bring myself to go deeper.>

<But….....>

(…If only what comes from within can truly bring depth to a piece, then..…)

<I’ll aim to open myself up more—and still create a show that entertains many.>

<It won’t be easy, but it will be a challenge worth facing.>

<Right. …...I’m looking forward to seeing what kind of show you’ll create.>

(...…Thanks to this, I know what I have to do now. And what I need to express in my show.)

(These feelings might be too messy to turn into a show, but—)

(I’ll go for it. …...So I can go beyond my own limits.)